Hillary prepares to feed on a lower-ranking female.
The Democrats had what must have been their thousandth debate yesterday, covering no practical issues and offending everyone’s sense of reason and dignity. The only two Democrats anyone cares to imagine in the White House are Hillary and the Big O Man, characterized as Experience versus Change. Or you could frame it as Evil versus Incompetent. They both hate Republicans and the President, which while admirable, is a very easy thing to do these days. The only question Kucinich got was about God, who he hates. So the debate was lame and while I won’t declare a winner, I will declare the American people as the losers.
On the Republican side of things, Romney has been watching WAY TOO MANY Leave it to Beaver reruns. He has been focusing his attacks on Giuliani, mirroring the strategy adopted by Giuliani’s many former wives and bitter children. Giuliani meanwhile is still pretending to hate the gays and love his family, but both the gays and his family now hate him. Thankfully, the Republicans have no plans to hold a candidate debate, ever.
I had an intelligent person tell me last night she likes McCain, and it reminded me of when I used to think I liked McCain, back in the heady days before 9-11. But I promised to outline why he’s not a palatable option either. Here’s why:
- "If you set a date for withdrawal… that's a date for surrender... It's going to be chaos, genocide, not only in Iraq but in the region." True, but we have chaos and genocide in Iraq right now, and it’s costing us about a billion dollars a day. Losing wars slowly for years and years is NOT the same thing as winning.
- He is sucking the goods straight from the religious right’s anal cavity. He’s not one of those ‘cool, Western libertarian’ Republicans, he’s one of those Terri Schiavo feeding tube and cameras in everyone’s bedrooms Republicans.
- He’s never going to win. His campaign has no money or salaried employees.
- He’s old.
The good things about McCain are that he drinks and curses which makes him a lot better than Romney. Actually, there are lots of things that make him better than Romney, but that’s not exactly high praise.
It’s easy to be a Debbie Downer and hard to be proactive, but in order to save our democracy, the Kritical Review is offering a slate of independent candidates as alternatives to these big corporate shysters:
Jim Lehrer
Well-spoken, handsome, and refreshingly competent, Lehrer is the salve for the figurative rash on our civilization’s psyche caused by the two party jokers we’ve been dealing with for so long. Plus, I’ve never heard him voice an opinion. I love that in a man.
Oprah
Black AND a woman: why choose when you can have BOTH in a presidential candidate? Maternal and warm (unlike certain other female candidates), Oprah spreads the love across the Congressional aisle and might actually respect the Constitution.
Harry Potter
Only Harry Potter’s magic can save us now! Surely Harry can outwit the powerful forces of evil that suck lawyers and consultants from around this great nation into the black hole that is the Federal Government.
Nicholas Sarkozy
To represent the right wing, how about French President Nicholas Sarkozy? He hates people of color, the poor, and the French. Plus, I don’t think he speaks any English, which should keep him out of trouble.
Of course, there are countless more reasons to be disappointed in our government, but that’s a good place to begin the week.
2 comments:
Brilliant blog posting. Beautiful as always. Keep them coming.
to comment on my other comment. Have a great time at that chick's birthday party. Point out how she is older, and uglier. Just like all of us. If you ever run out of ideas on things to talk about, here's something completely different, sex survey.
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