Scandal Predictions
Republicans have been having a really rough go of it since the 2004 election, when I kept having recurring nightmares about the Weimar Republic’s collapse into the Third Reich. Whether by clawing at teenage interns’ nether regions, snorting coke and having toilet sex, or just plain old stealing money, Republicans have been crapping all over their own electability. While gross incompetence has pushed out the likes of Michael Brown (‘Brownie’), Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, and thankfully (finally), Alberto Gonzalez, their stories are more tortured and depressing than those involving drug-addled pervert legislators. The fun’s not over yet! Anyone who voted for the Defense of Marriage Act or likes sodomy statutes no doubt does so to hide their addiction to bestial toilet sex.
Vacations are over, school’s back in, and we’re all bored out of our minds and can’t wait several months to find out what these pervs are doing today. So, here are our scandal predictions for the fall:
Sam Brownback
Senator Brownback HATES HATES HATES the gays, but that’s just because the Senator likes to sneak off and volunteer as a human urinal at the DC Eagle.
Hillary Clinton
Gets caught chucking computer monitors onto cars from a Beltway overpass.
Dennis Hastert
Whale-like Dennis Hastert (I’m surprised that he’s even ambulatory) rolls onto and crushes a prostitute in Anacostia.
Mitt Romney
Goat toilet sex.
Basically, if you don’t hate everyone in Washington, you’re not paying attention.
Republicans have been having a really rough go of it since the 2004 election, when I kept having recurring nightmares about the Weimar Republic’s collapse into the Third Reich. Whether by clawing at teenage interns’ nether regions, snorting coke and having toilet sex, or just plain old stealing money, Republicans have been crapping all over their own electability. While gross incompetence has pushed out the likes of Michael Brown (‘Brownie’), Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, and thankfully (finally), Alberto Gonzalez, their stories are more tortured and depressing than those involving drug-addled pervert legislators. The fun’s not over yet! Anyone who voted for the Defense of Marriage Act or likes sodomy statutes no doubt does so to hide their addiction to bestial toilet sex.
Vacations are over, school’s back in, and we’re all bored out of our minds and can’t wait several months to find out what these pervs are doing today. So, here are our scandal predictions for the fall:
Sam Brownback
Senator Brownback HATES HATES HATES the gays, but that’s just because the Senator likes to sneak off and volunteer as a human urinal at the DC Eagle.
Hillary Clinton
Gets caught chucking computer monitors onto cars from a Beltway overpass.
Dennis Hastert
Whale-like Dennis Hastert (I’m surprised that he’s even ambulatory) rolls onto and crushes a prostitute in Anacostia.
Mitt Romney
Goat toilet sex.
Basically, if you don’t hate everyone in Washington, you’re not paying attention.
1 comment:
we should have a party in your honor, and invite the politicians and other government officials you've insulted.
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